Submitted by: Q | June 2008



Now that we’ve gotten that BS out of the way, I’m going to talk about something that a lot of people I know, especially in college, are having problems with or don’t know what the hell to do when confronted with it: dealing with unwanted attention from the opposite sex. I’m sure girls have to deal with this more than guys so I’m going to touch on that first….mainly because everyone likes touching on girls.

I’m going to present you with this question the same way it was presented to me. “Hey Q, I met this guy at _________’s birthday party last weekend. He was cool the first couple times we hung out but now he won’t stop calling/texting me.” I’m a big fan of common sense so the first thing I asked her was “Well, did you ever tell him to stop calling you?.” You can probably tell what her answer was. Its never a good idea to get mad at someone for doing something you don’t like or feel comfortable with if you’ve never once told them that you didn’t like it or didn’t feel comfortable with it. Its nobody’s fault but your own. The majority of problems between members of the opposite sex can usually be resolved simply by communicating. How can he know you don’t want him around if you don’t say anything? Whenever I tell one of my ladyfriends, the first thing thing they say is: “Well, he should be able to take a hint! I haven’t called him back!” I try so hard not to laugh but sometimes I can’t help myself. Guys, pay attention because I’m about to explain why you will always lose this fight. People are pussies. Most people are too scared to say what they’re actually feeling. Saying “He should be able to take a hint!” is the same as saying “He should automatically know exactly what I’m thinking at all times!”, which is ridiculous as well.

So for all of you guys out there, here’s two sure-fire ways to figure out what a girl is thinking at all times: be psychic (take a hint), or assume what she’s thinking. It doesn’t really matter which one you pick because you’re fucked either way. Its like being pushed out of a plane and asking yourself whether you want to take your parachute off completely or pull the cord after you’ve already hit the ground.

Another argument that I’ve frequently heard is the classic “Well, I don’t want to be mean about it, he’s a really nice guy!” statement. While this is understandable it is just as fucked up when you think about it. I’m going to give you girls a little inside information. Guys like being told the truth just as much as you do. Chances are if you’ve only gone on a date or two with a guy and you tell him that you aren’t really interested in him he might be broken up for a day or two…maybe a week. At the end of the day though, he’s a guy. There are plenty of other girls to take his mind off of you, especially if you’re in college.

Random Rap Quote: “I could find me a heart, but it wouldn't be right too / I could find me a bitch that look just like you” - Priceless

If you really want to be nice to him – be honest. Actually, do yourself one better: If you know you don’t like the guy the first time you go out, tell him after the date! Don’t try to milk a second and third date out of him if you already know he doesn’t have a chance in hell. If you lead him on AND continue to let him pay for you on dates, not only has he earned the right to give you attention, he’s earned the right to harass you for as long as he damn well pleases until he either gets what he wants out of the deal or a full refund! Being honest with a guy you don’t like is a lot less ‘mean’ than allowing him to pay for you on dates and buy you drinks at the bar while you gossip to your friends about how much you don’t like him.

Don’t worry guys, this can all be avoided in one simple step: Don’t pay for shit until you’re sure she’s interested. Girls, if you don’t like cheap guys, assholes, or douchebags, then don’t get mad at guys for being that way, get mad at your counterparts for turning nice guys into those things, or get mad at every shitty movie from the 90s that made guys think they had to be an asshole to get laid.

Onto my fellas. Although girls probably get a lot more unwanted attention than us guys do but it happens to all of us at some time or another. Usually its not as bad, but it isn’t entirely impossible. I’ll give a few example situations that I may or may not have gone through recently.

It’s a Saturday night. I may not have been looking my best, but I was definitely shrouded in an aura of nondouchery, undoubtedly allowing me to stand out in a sea of blue and white striped polos. Being me, I decided to go post up near the dance floor and enjoy the music while chatting it up w/ my boy about whatever was chat-worthy at the time. As much as I love girls and the thought of them wanting to shake their asses on or around me, I had to pass. Nothing was wrong with the girl, in fact, I even knew her. Unfortunately, me knowing her is the reason why I wanted nothing to do with her. As sweet as this girl is, she doesn’t have the best luck with guys. After days and days of hearing how shitty her love life is and how much she wishes she had a boyfriend, I wanted nothing to do with her. Not that anything is wrong with her, but she was definitely looking for someone that I had no interest in being for her. How do you deal with this without being “mean?”. The same way you do when Jehovah’s witnesses knock on your door…grab a flamethrower.

Just kidding. You simply smile and say “Sorry, no thanks.” That would be the most standard way to say it but obviously you’d want to tailor it to however you speak. My response is usually something along the lines of “Nope, nope! Sorry, not happening!” or a random rap quote such as “gangstas don’t dance, they boogie”. Most girls are usually cool with it and assume that you just don’t want to dance, or don’t know how. Problem solved, right? Nope! This problem is only solved if you don’t plan on doing anything else for the rest of the night. If you do decide that you want to dance with another chick then it gets a little more complicated. A few things can happen in this situation. You can dance with another chick and have the chick that you turned down get bitter, jealous, or overly drunkmotional (drunk + emotional). The latter will either lead to her causing a scene and ruining your chances with anyone for the rest of the night or leaving the bar. If she makes a scene you can either say fuck it I’m just being honest, and continue your thug dizzle, or you can pull her to the side and explain to her where you’re coming from and that its nothing personal, you’re just feeling someone else. Luckily for me I live in a college town where this situation can usually be avoided by just waiting a few minutes for the girl to go wander off in search for drinks only to never return or completely forget that she even wanted to dance with you.